Final Fantasy VII: Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: The Complete Saga
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Aoi
Summary: Complete! This is a re-release of our numerous Final Fantasy VII/Burger King themed crossover comedy fics we have written over the years! Each story has been re-edited and re-formatted. Whether you have seen the originals or missed them completely, these will be worth the nostalgic read again.
1. Introduction

**Story** : Final Fantasy VII: Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: The Complete Saga  
 **Author** : Master Jin Sonata  
 **Written** : August 29th, 2015  
 **Genre** : Humor/Horror  
 **Rating** : T (Violence, Language)  
 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Square or the Burger King franchises.

* * *

 **This is a collection of all of the Final Fantasy + Burger King related fics we have published on this site from several years ago. We will be removing the original versions, so this definitive update is where you will now find them! In this collection you will find** :

 **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Original Trilogy**  
Originally Published On February 3rd, 2007

 **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Ghost Bout**  
Originally Published On May 20th, 2007

 **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Final Bout**  
Originally Published On January 9th, 2008

* * *

 **Please proceed to the next chapter for the first story:** **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Original Trilogy** **!**


	2. Original Trilogy

**Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Original Trilogy**

* * *

 **First Bout**

* * *

Barret decided to take a trip from Midgar and travel to a nearby city to have lunch at Burger King. When he arrives, he steps up to the counter and looked around for the nearest worker so he could order.

" **Hey! I want some service!"** Barret yells out, pounding his fists on the counter, bashing a gigantic hole in the middle.

As soon as he did, the restaurant's mascot: The King, dressed in red robes, a crown, and sporting a creepy happy-like frozen expression slowly rises up from behind the counter.

" **About damn time! I want a Whopper Meal with a large Coca Cola!"** Barret says, slapping some money on the counter.

The King took the money and handed Barret his tray of food. Barret went and sat down in the eating area and began munching his burger. His eyes flew open as he spits it out.

" **What the hell is this? I didn't order no damn BK Big-Fish!"**

Barret then took a chug of his drink, in which he spat out as well.

" **They gave me a warm-ass Coca-Cola! That does it!"**

Barret gets up and stomps over to the counter with his food. He stops in front of the King and slams the entire tray of food in his face, then snatches his money back.

" **Worse ! &#$ service ever! I'm outta here!"** he yells, storming out of the building.

 **Later That Night...**

Barret gets home from blowing up another Mako Factory and sets his stuff down on the couch.

" **Damn I'm starving! I'll just have to get somethin' to eat tomorrow morning,"** says a tired Barret, yawning.

With that said, Barret drags himself upstairs to his bedroom and takes off his work clothes and slips under the covers. He turns out his lamp and begins getting comfortable.

That's when he heard breathing close by his side.

" **The hell?"** Barret says as he flicked his lamp back on and sat up in his bed. He turned and saw a large lump lying underneath the covers next to him.

He throws the covers away and screams. It was the Burger 'King', lying down facing him while holding a double bladed axe.

" **Son of a bitch!"** Barret yells, jumping out of the bed. He readies his gun-arm and begins firing at the 'King'. The 'King' leaps out of the bed and rolls on the ground, turning to Barret and throwing the axe at him, almost hitting Barret in the crotch. The 'King' then makes a break for it down the hallway.

" **You ain't getting away from me, burger-bastard!"** Barret yells as he runs out toward the hallway as well.

" **Where did he go?"** he says, looking around for any signs of the 'King'. He takes a step forward and trips over a rope suspended across the floor.

" **Huh?"** Barret says, looking up to witness a huge-ass log tied to a rope swinging down toward him. Barret gets up and jumps out of the just in time as the log crashes into the wall where his bedroom is, destroying it completely.

" **That bastard's dead!"** yells an enraged Barret. He runs toward the railing overlooking his stairs and sees the shadow of the 'King' moving about below him.

" **I gotcha now!"** Barret says grinning, pulling out a grenade from his pocket and throwing it over the railing below.

Just as soon as he threw it, the grenade was thrown back at him

" **$# &!"** Barret yells, getting out of the way. The grenade explodes, destroying his entire second floor of his house.

Barret got up from beneath the wreckage and saw the 'King' trying to sneak out the door.

" **Oh no you don't!"** Barret shouts, charging out of the wreckage and tackling the 'King' before he could escape.

The two then started to brawl, with Barret throwing punches left and right, while the 'King' tried countering by swinging sharp, hot, pointy French fries at him. Barret eventually got the upper hand and trashed the 'King', followed by throwing him in a large dumpster and kicking it down the street.

" **What he hell did I do to deserve this?"** Barret yells out, looking at his half-destroyed home.

He sighed and re-entered his messed up house and slept through the rest of the night.

 **The Next Morning...**

Barret wakes up bright and early to see the light shining through the curtains. As he rubbed his eyes, he noticed the shadow of someone walk in front of his window.

" **That Burger King bastard is back again?"** Barret grumbles, as he gets up and reloads his gun arm. Slowly approaching the window, he flings open the curtains and prepares to fire, but stops to see someone else standing there instead.

" **Cloud? What the !$ &# you doin' in front of my window?"** he says angrily.

" **Just thought I take a short-cut through the side of your house while going to Tifa's..."** Cloud says, scratching his head. **"By the way, what happened to your house?"**

" **Nothing happened, now go away!"** Barret yells at the spiky-haired blond. Cloud shrugged and was on his way.

Barret shuts the curtains and wipes his brow.

" **What a crazy-ass night. Well, off to work,"** he says, before seeing another shadow of someone walk outside in front of his window.

" **Cloud! I thought I told you to hit the road!"** Barret says angrily, flinging the curtain open again.

" **Oh shit…"** Barret says, as he was face to face with the 'King', who stood outside his window smiling evilly while holding a rocket launcher.

Barret grabs another grenade and throws it while the 'King' fires his rocket.

A large explosion blanketed the area as thick smoke erupted from the two's attacks.

* * *

 **Second Bout**

* * *

Barret, Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, Cait Sith, and Red XIII were all eating lunch at Burger King a week after Barret's encounter with the restaurant's mascot at his house that night. While everyone else ate, Barret was too busy scoping the area for any signs of the Burger King Mascot.

" **Barret, will you chill out and eat already?"** Tifa says in between bites of her burger.

" **Yeah, listen to the little lady and eat your damn food,"** Cid added, sipping his soda.

" **I'm telling you guys, that mother-#$ &!# Burger King Mascot is out to get me again, I'm sure of it!"** Barret says, loading his gun-arm as he continued to peer around the restaurant.

" **Dude, relax. Though I'm still a bit skeptical of your story on how this guy blew up half your house in all, we will know if something isn't going right around here,"** Cloud says.

" **Yeah, like, what could a wimp like that possible do to a bear like you?"** Yuffie added.

" **Yeah, I guess you're right,"** Barret says as he got up and left the table.

" **Where are you going now?"** Red XIII asked.

" **To take a dump,"** Barret says as he went into the bathroom.

After walking down the hallway, he went in and did his business. He washed his hands and then opened the door, starting to make his way back.

Suddenly out of nowhere the Burger King Mascot jumps him from behind and swings a sharp, over-sized onion-ring around Barret's neck trying to choke him.

" **Son of a bitch!"** Barret yells as he tries to fight off the 'King' and remove the hot, sharp ring from around his neck. After a brief struggle, Barret manages to throw the 'King' off of him.

" **You want some more, bitch? You got it!"** Barret yells as he raises his arm and begins firing at the 'King'. Acting quickly, the Burger King Mascot rolls out of the way and runs out of the hall and around the corner. Barret growled and began perusing him.

Around the corner, Barret saw the 'King' dive over the main counter. He decides to follow suit and started to climb over the counter himself, but was quickly met by a large serving tray that the 'King' used to smack Barret with.

Now pissed off even more, Barret punches through the tray and then grabs the 'King', slamming him into the deep frying machine. He takes his hand and began forcing the 'King's' headed into the hot boiling oil, but the mascot retaliates with a kick in between Barret's legs.

" **ARGH!"** Barret yells as he doubles-over from the kick. The 'King' then uses the opportunity to perform a DDT on him. Barret quickly recovered and grabbed the 'King' by his robe and swing him out of the kitchen and near onto the play-area with the giant tubes where the kids can crawl through.

Barret ran after the 'King', running past the table where the other FF7 cast was sitting.

" **Did you hear something?"** Cait Sith asks.

" **No,"** Vincent says, the only one of the group who actually noticed that Barret was being assaulted.

" **You're going down!"** Barret yells as he spotted the 'King' get up and start crawling through the play-area's tunnels. Barret dove in as well. Though it was a bit snug, he still managed to crawl after the mascot.

About halfway up, Barret lost track of the 'King'.

" **Where'd that bastard go?"** he growled.

As soon as he says that, a stream of soft-serve Vanilla ice cream began pouring down the tube Barret was in.

" **Whoa whoa WHOA!"** Barret yells as he lost his grip and began sliding back down the tube backwards right into the ball pit.

As Barret resurfaced from the colorful balls around him, he was knocked back down as the 'King' belly-flopped right on top of him. Several rounds of gunfire from Barret's gun arm streamed many directions out from underneath the balls as he tried to shoot up the 'King'.

" **Hee-YA!"** Barret yells, kicking the 'King' off of him, and then shoving him through the nets back out into the eating area.

The 'King' got up and picked up a nearby chair and attempted to swing it over Barret's head, but Barret stops it mid-way and tosses it aside. He then proceeded to grab the 'King', lift him up into the air, and chuck him through the outside window with a loud crash.

A minute later, Barret, beaten and bruised, drags himself back to the table and flops down hard on his chair.

" **Barret, where have you been? Did you fall in?"** Yuffie asks, poking fun at him.

Yuffie was suddenly met with an Angus Burger in her face, which Barret had thrown out of frustration.

" **Damn you Burger King Mascot, I'll be ready to finish you off the next time we meet…"** Barret says, clenching his fist in rage.

* * *

 **Third Bout**

* * *

Another week has passed since Barret's second encounter with The Burger King Mascot at one of his fast food chains. Avoiding a third encounter with that creepy mascot, Barret heavily armed himself wherever he went. After feeling a bit of relief of not facing The Burger King Mascot in a while, Barret goes back to his usual routine of blowing up Mako Factories.

One evening after decimating Sector 7's Plant, Barret gets in his car and decides to take the freeway home. As he drives onto the on-ramp, he notices a large 18-wheeler truck drive up beside him. The truck stayed next to Barret through most of the drive home.

" **What the hell is this fool doing?"** Barret says as he began speeding up to get away from the truck. That didn't work as the truck drove faster to catch up with him. Barret stuck his head out the window and yells at the driver of the truck.

" **Hey! Move your no-driving ass out of the way!"** he says. Shortly after, the driver of the truck revealed himself as Barret says those words.

It was The Burger King Mascot.

" **Mother-$# &!"** yells Barret as The Burger King Mascot swerved his 18-wheeler into Barret's car, ramming it into the highway's shoulder.

" **Shit!"** yells Barret as he tried to regain control of his car. He somehow managed to do so, but The Burger King Mascot swerved again, ramming Barret once more. Now his car was spinning out of control.

" **Waaaaaah!"** Barret yells, as the last thing he saw was an off-ramp fork, in which he collided into with a great crash.

Everything went black after that incident.

 **The Burger King HQ**

Several hours later, Barret slowly began to regain consciousness.

" **Ugh…oh…shit man…what the hell…happened? Where…am I…?"** he asked groggily as he opened his eyes.

He was in a dark, cold room, tied up to a chair. His gun-arm was removed, and he had several scratches and bruises all over his body.

" **Urg! What's going on?"** he growled as he struggled to free himself, but to no avail.

Moments later, door from behind him opened, and a shadowy figure stepped into the room. He walked in front of Barret, and flicked on an overhead light.

It was, you guessed it, The Burger King Mascot.

" **You! What the # &#& do you want with me?"** Barret yells at him in pure anger.

The Burger King Mascot turned around and rolled over a TV toward Barret. He popped in a videotape, and turned it on.

" **What's this?"** Barret says as he watched the video.

The video showed recording of Midgar Elementary School during recess. The camera pans over to a young kid and his pals picking on another student.

" **H-hey! That's me when I was in 3rd-grade!"** says a shocked Barret.

The camera zooms in closer on the kid being picked on by young Barret and his gang.

That kid was a smaller kid-version of The Burger King Mascot when he was little.

" **You mean to tell me we went to the same school together?"** Barret says, still not believing that he had picked on The Burger King Mascot back in school.

The video continued to show Barret continuing to torment The Burger King Mascot throughout Junior High, High School, and even College.

" **Oh shit…"** Barret mutters, as he looked at The Burger King Mascot. But soon his expression turned angry.

" **That's still not going to cover the fact that you got my order wrong when I first ate at your damn restaurant!"** Barret responds.

The Burger King Mascot gave a 'Oh really?' gesture at Barret.

" **Yeah, I got video footage too! Check my left pocket!"** Barret says. The Burger King Mascot did what Barret says, and pulled out another videotape. He popped it into the VCR and pressed 'Play'.

This tape showed Barret giving his order at Burger King. The Burger King Mascot goes into the back and purposely grabs the wrong order and gives it to Barret.

" **Yeah! What now, bitch? Now you know why I was pissed off that day!"** Barret says angrily.

The Burger King Mascot shook his head. He moved aside the TV and pulled out a machine gun and pointed it at Barret.

" **So you're going to shoot me for being rude to you all these years? I may not remember all the things I've done, but you're taking this shit too far!"** Barret says, not letting his guard down.

 **CRASH!**

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Vincent, Red XIII, Cait Sith, and Cid rushed into the room and pointed their weapons at The Burger King Mascot.

" **We're here to help, Barret! Vincent eventually told us about this guy who has been stalking you for almost a month!"** Cloud says.

" **Yeah! So let our buddy go you big meany!"** Yuffie says to The Burger King Mascot.

The Burger King Mascot lowered his weapon and snapped his fingers. From out of the shadows came several familiar individuals who seemed to be working for him.

" **What the hell?"** Cid says as Ronald McDonald, The Taco Bell Chihuahua, Wendy's Dave Thomas, KFC's Colonel Sanders, Jack from Jack In The Box, The Cactus from Taco Time, and Jared from Subway came into view. Everyone but Jared was holding dangerous-looking weapons.

" **Hey, you don't look intimidating!"** Tifa says to Jared.

" **You wanna bet?"** Jarred says as he unzipped his costume, revealing his 500-pound fatass self before he went on the Subway diet.

Cloud rushed forward and cut Barret free from his ropes with his Buster Sword.

" **Barret, you handle The Burger King Mascot, we'll take care of the rest of these fast-food psychos!"** Cloud says as he and the others got into battle.

" **Damn straight!"** Barret says in relief, as he noticed 'The King' run up a flight of stairs trying to get away. Barret was soon on his trail.

" **Oh no the hell you don't!"** Barret shouted as he went after his foe.

Halfway up the stairs, Barret caught up to him and tackled 'The King'. The two wrestled and rolled across the floor, exchanging blows. Barret grabbed a nearby vase and smashed it into The Burger King Mascot's face. He retaliated by popping Barret across the face with the butt of his machine gun. Suddenly, something fell out of The Burger King Mascot's robe.

" **My gun-arm!"** Barret says as he snatched it away and reattached it to his arm. **"Eat lead, ass-hole!"** Barret shouted as he began firing at 'The King'.

'The King' dodges the fire, and begins shooting back himself. The two continued to exchange shots as they made their way across a long hallway, evading each other's attacks. Halfway down, 'The King' spots a nearby elevator and hops in.

" **Damn,"** Barret says, as he looked up and saw what floor 'The King' would end up on. So with that, he rushed up several more flights of stairs until he got the floor where his foe would appear. As the elevator opened, Barret was about to open fire, when he saw 'The King' holding a rocket launcher. Barret yells as he was bombarded with several rounds of giant BK Chicken Fries.

After falling to the floor, 'The King' continues running down the hall and goes through a side door that lead out onto the building's roof access.

" **Get back here!"** Barret yells as he got up and followed him outside.

It was almost sunrise as the two continued to battle each other with a mix of melee and ranged combat. Eventually, 'The King' got the upper hand. He had backed Barret to the edge of the 50-story building and had him at gunpoint.

" **So this is it…"** Barret says, heaving from exhaustion. 'The King' cocked his gun and was ready to shoot at any moment.

That's when Barret had an idea.

" **Hey! You're robe is unzipped!"** Barret pointed at The Burger King Mascot.

'The King' looked down at his robe, and no sooner then he had realized that his robe didn't have a zipper; Barret grabbed him and vaulted him over his shoulder and over the edge of the building. 'The King' fell down the skyscraper and hit the ground below with a crash.

It was over.

Barret slumped own to the ground and smiled.

" **Finally…finally! That damn Burger King Mascot is gone for good!"** he says with satisfaction.

Shortly thereafter, Cloud and the rest of the FF7 crew joined him on the roof after they had defeated 'The King's' cronies.

" **Is that bastard gone?"** Cid asked while helping Barret up to his feet.

" **Yeah. I don't think he could have survived that fall. Let's go home, everyone,"** Barret says as he and the others made their way back into the building.

* * *

 **Please review and keep watch for the next story:** **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Ghost Bout , as this collection is constantly updated until its completion!**


	3. Ghost Bout

**Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Ghost Bout**

* * *

Several months have elapsed since the epic trilogy of battles between Barret and the Burger King Mascot. Enjoying a time of peace from the revenge-driven mascot, Barret returns to his usual duties of destroying Mako Factories.

However, that time of peace now draws to a close.

* * *

 **Cloud's Apartment**

Barret, Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, Red XIII, and Cait Sith were all sitting in the living room at Cloud's studio apartment watching a sports game, when a Breaking News Special Report segment suddenly interrupted their program.

" _We interrupt this program to bring you this special report. Good evening, I'm Palmer from Shinra Headquarters."_

" **Since when did that fatass blimp Palmer start broadcasting news?"** Barret asks, raising an eyebrow.

" **Ever since I sued his ass after his Space Exploration Committee sold me faulty parts to my rocket ship last month,"** Cid responds, smoking his cigarette.

" _We wish to report that citizens around the Midgar area have been calling into the news room, complaining of seeing a ghastly figure appearing in their homes causing strange things to happen."_

" **Think it could be Aeris looking for Cloud after he admitted to Tifa that he once cheated on her when she was alive?"** Cait Sith says, laughing at his own joke, before Tifa turns around and punches the cat into the next room.

" _We now show you a sketch of the ghost that our investigators have drawn based on tips gathered by our citizens."_

The camera then pans over to a paper drawing of the ghost who supposedly was haunting everyone.

Barret quickly glanced at the picture as he took a sip of his beer, then did a double take when he realized who guy on that sketch was.

" **No! It can't be! That looks like that mother- &$# Burger King bitch!"** he yells, un-noticingly spitting out his drink on Cloud's lap in the process.

" **H-hey! Calm down,"** Cloud says to Barret, but Barret ignored him as he grabbed the remote and turned up the volume on the TV.

" _Police have been investigating the matter, but so far, no solid evidence have turned up in this case. And that's all the news for now. This is Palmer signing off saying: Screw you Cid Highwind!"_

" **Shit man! This is some sort of a sick joke!"** Barret says in frustration, tossing the remote down onto the floor, shattering it into pieces. **"No way that crazy-ass Burger King Mascot could be back to terrorize us!"**

" **Maybe he won't be coming after you this time,"** Red XIII comments.

" **We don't know that for sure though! Any moment that Burger King ghost guy could be on his way here for all we know,"** Yuffie adds. **"He did hold a pretty tight grudge against Barret after all."**

As soon as Yuffie had says that, the TV in front of them began to wobble from side to side, and then slowly levitate into the air. Everyone froze in awe as the TV turned toward Barret, and suddenly flung itself right at him. The TV crashes into Barret, knocking him clear off of the couch. As Barret recovered and sat himself upright off of the floor, he and everyone else gazed at the sight of a ghastly, transparent Burger King Mascot as he floats in midair, taunting them before disappearing into the back of Cloud's apartment through a solid wall.

" **It seems you spoke too soon,"** Vincent comments.

" **What the hell?! Is this guy going to torment me all the way to my grave?!"** Barret stood yelling.

" **Wow…and I thought Sephiroth was persistent…"** Cloud says to no one in particular.

" **So how are we going to get rid of this ghost?"** Tifa asks.

" **The little lady's gotta point. We ain't exactly experts in huntin' ecto-freaks,"** Cid adds.

" **Ooh! Ooh! I got an idea!"** Yuffie says, hopping up and down raising her hand.

" **What?"** Vincent says solemnly, giving her the floor to speak.

" **Okay, here's my idea: Why don't we all dress up as Ghostbusters and hunt down the ghost ourselves?"**

" **That sounds like a stupid-ass idea…but I'll try anything at this point,"** Barret says, sighing

" **So if we do go ahead with this idea, what exactly will we be using for equipment?"** Tifa asks.

" **Just leave that to me!"** Yuffie says, hopping off the couch and heading out the door. **"I'll be right back!"**

Barret fished a broken TV station knob out of his hair and flicked it away. **"This shit has got to stop already…"** he mutters to himself.

 **An Hour Later**

" **Well, what do you think?"** Yuffie eagerly asks everyone.

Everyone was now donned in authentic grey and red Ghostbuster outfits. The ladies were an exception, as they wore skirts instead of long pants. Even Cait Sith and Red XIII had custom made suits. Everyone also had ghost-zapping guns and a battery pack strapped to them.

" **Couldn't you have gotten mine in red, and or black?"** Vincent comments.

" **This is great! I always wanted to hunt ghosts!"** Cait Sith says enthusiastically.

" **Let's hurry and git this thing over with. This suit here is giving me a rash,"** Cid says, scratching his side.

" **So what's the plan of action? Are we splitting up?"** Cloud inquires.

" **Yeah! But listen good: If you see that Burger Bastard, call on me, cuz' I want to take him out personally!"** Barret informs everyone, pumping his gun until it was charged.

" **Me and Tifa will go together and search the bathroom,"** Cloud proclaims.

" **Vincent and I will check out the bedrooms!"** Cid says, lighting another cigarette.

" **Me, Red XIII, and Cait Sith will check in the kitchen,"** Yuffie offers.

" **Alright! It's hunting time!"** Barret cheers, raising his gun into the air, everyone else doing so as well.

* * *

 **Cloud And Tifa's Mission: Operation Bathroom**

Tifa and Cloud stealthily made their way into Cloud's bathroom. It was dark upon entry.

" **Tifa, flip on the lights, would ya?"** Cloud asks as he checked the shower.

Tifa turned and flipped on the lights. When the bathroom was lit, she turned and faced the mirror. In the reflection, she saw the Burger King Mascot's ghost with a gun ready to cap Cloud from behind.

" **Cloud! Lookout!"** Tifa turns and yells, at the same time jumping to try to tackle the ghost.

" **Huh? What?!"** Cloud yelps as Tifa went right through the ghost and crashed into Cloud. Both toppled over and fell into the tub.

Tifa got up and rubbed her head from the impact. She then looked directly below her and realized that she must have pulled Cloud's pants down when she fell.

" **Oh wow…I didn't know it was** _ **that**_ **small…"** Tifa stars in awe at Cloud's bare midsection.

" **H-hey!"** Cloud retaliates as he shot up and pulled his pants back on. **"What did you do that for?"** Cloud asks Tifa.

" **I-I'm sorry! That ghost was right behind you ready to shoot you!"** Tifa insists.

" **I didn't notice anything,"** Cloud replies back.

As the two were trying to make sense of things, the silhouette of the Burger King Mascot's ghost appeared before them on the other side of the curtain, donning a butcher knife, Psycho style.

Both of them turned and scream as the lights were suddenly turned off. Several slashing noises ensued afterwards.

 **Barret In Da Hall**

" **Come out and face me you coward!"** Barret coaxes out to the ghost as he kept a sharp eye out.

Out of nowhere, the bathroom door flew open, followed by laser-fire from Cloud and Tifa's guns. The ghost of the Burger King Mascot darts out of the bathroom and runs down the hall.

" **Found you! You're dead, bastard!"** Barret yells as he began firing his laser gun. However, Tifa stepped out too soon and got hit with the laser, blowing her shirt clear off of her chest. Cloud stepped out as well and both he and Cloud stared at Tifa's chest.

" **Tifa…I didn't know you stuffed your bra with tissue!"** Barret says, mouth-hanging open.

Tifa slapped both men and grabbed her singed shirt and stormed down the hall in embarrassment. Cloud and Barret looked at each other and shrugged, then went after her to help give chase.

 **Cid And Vincent's Mission: Operation Bedroom**

Both men enter the bedroom and begin searching for clues.

" **I tell ya, Barret's got all the bad luck lately, with crazy fast-food joint mascots tryin' to kill him. It's a goddamn shame,"** Cid says to Vincent.

" **That's what he gets for causing that mascot so much grief during his childhood,"** Vincent replies.

" **Well, whatever the case, let's begin searching over there. I'll check inside the closet, while you check under the bed,"** Cid orders as he stepped into the large clothes closet.

" **Right,"** Vincent says, as he kneeled over and began searching under the sheets.

Inside the closet, Cid looked both ways, then up and down, but found no ghost.

" **Nothing here,"** he says as he began to turn and leave, until he the closet doors suddenly closed themselves up, locking Cid inside.

" **Shit! That pesky ghost must have did this! Oh well, while I'm here, might as well have me another smoke,"** Cid sighs, as he reached into his pocket to grab his twelve-pack of cigarettes.

They were gone.

" **What the hell?! Who took my goddamn smokes?!"** Cid yells out, now very pissed.

As if on cue, the ghost of the Burger King Mascot appeared right in front of him, with his cigarettes in hand. He taunted him and left through the closet doors.

" **You son of a bitch! Get back with my smokes!"** Cid shouts, whipping out his gun. He began firing through the closet doors, which blasted them wide open with a single blast.

Vincent shot up from underneath the bed in response to the blast. That's when Vincent saw the 'King's' ghost doing a butt-smacking taunt at him, before running out of the room.

" **Gotcha!"** both men says simultaneously as they fired their laser-guns, only to miss and hit a dresser-mirror instead, causing the lasers to bounce back and strike the two men. Vincent dodged one of the shots, but the other shot Cid directly through his hair, leaving a black, singed line straight down the middle.

Both men looked at each other before running out after the ghost.

 **Barret In Da Hall Again**

Barret was closing in on the ghost ready to zap it to kingdom come, when he got run over by Cid and Vincent when they burst out of the bedroom.

" **Hey! I almost had him in my grasp until you two came out and messed everything up!"** Barret yells at the two.

" **Well excuuuuse me for not trying to do my job as well!"** Cid shot back.

 **"Hey you two, this is not the time to be arguing!"** Cloud says, as he continued to peruse the ghost.

" **Yeah yeah…"** Barret growls as he, Cid, Tifa, and Vincent followed from behind.

 **Yuffie, Red XIII, and Cait Sith's Mission: Operation Kitchen**

" **Hello? Anyone in here?"** Yuffie asks as she searched inside he fridge.

The three searched up and down the kitchen looking for any signs of the ghost.

" **There's nothing in here…"** Red XIII says as he searched inside the cabinets.

" **Nothing's in the oven either,"** Cait Sith says as he stuck his head inside the large oven.

Out of nowhere, the ghost of the 'King' materialized from behind him, and shoved him straight into the oven, then closed the door. He then turned the oven onto 'Broil'

" **HEEEEEELLLLP!"** Cait Sith yells as he was beginning to bake.

Yuffie and Red turned and went to go rescue Cait, but the 'King' turns around and smacks Yuffie with a frying pan, and advances upon Red XIII with a pair of meat-shears.

 **Everyone In Da Kitchen**

All of the other crew members stormed into the kitchen when they heard Cait Sith cry for help. The ghost of the 'King' turns around and looks at the heroes after cutting off all of Red XIII's fur, and knocking out Yuffie

" **There you are! Now die!"** Barret yells as he pointed his laser-gun, ready to fire.

" **Well, technically, you can't kill him again since he's already dead..."** Vincent corrected Barret.

" **Shut up!"** Barret barks back. He pulled the trigger and began firing at the ghost.

A direct hit. However, the 'King' was struggling to pull himself away from the beam.

" **Let us help you!"** Cloud says, firing his gun as well.

Everyone else jumped in as well. Yuffie regained consciousness and fired hers as well. Cait Sith somehow gets out of the oven and joins in on the beam struggle. Everyone's beams were dangerously starting to cross each other's as they continued probing the ghost.

" **Wait! No! Everyone turn off your beams! I've seen this before somewhere! We ain't supposed to cross our bea—"** Barret yells out to everyone, but it was too late.

 **KAAAAABLAAAAAAAM!**

The sheer force from the combined beams caused a very large explosion that blew away Cloud's entire apartment. After the smoke cleared, everyone including the 'King's' ghost was lying on the floor dazed. Barret sat up and saw the perfect opportunity to bag the ghost.

" **Here! Use this!"** Yuffie says to Barret as she slid a device underneath the ghost.

Barret grabs the trigger button and presses it. A large white light enveloped the 'King', sucking him into the trapping device. It then closed up when the capture process was finished.

This was a narrow victory for the heroes.

Barret went over and grabbed the device and held I high for everyone see.

" **We got 'em!"** Barret cheered.

" **See! I told you my plan would work…sorta!"** Yuffie says with an innocent smile.

" **Bout damn time!"** Cid says as he crawled over and recovered his stolen cigarettes.

" **I thought I was a goner in that oven!"** Cait Sith says, fanning himself to cool himself down.

" **Great…it'll take months for my fur to grow back,"** says a naked Red XIII, a bit miffed.

" **Whew! Glad that's over,"** Tifa says with relief.

" **What a disaster…"** Vincent says, looking at Cloud's obliterated home.

" **Gee you think?! Now where am I going to live?"** says a very flabbergasted Cloud.

" **C'mon, let's go and recover what's left of your belongings and look for another apartment for you"** Tifa offers.

Everyone agreed as they took off their Ghostbuster uniforms and equipment before leaving the kitchen.

 **Epilogue**

After everyone had left the house, a man with long silver hair dressed in all black, and carried a very long sword entered the kitchen. He stopped in front of the ghost containment device and pressed the release button with his foot. The metal box opened, and the Burger King Mascot's ghost was freed.

" **You are quite the mischievous one. What do you say we team up and take down Cloud and his pals together? We will give them despair,"** the man offered.

The 'King' rubbed his hands menacingly as he accepted the man's offer.

* * *

 **Please review and keep watch for the next story:** **Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Final Bout , as this collection is constantly updated until its completion!**


	4. Final Bout

**Barret Vs The Burger King Mascot: Final Bout**

* * *

In the previous installment, the presumed dead Burger King Mascot, archenemy of Barret, came back to haunt Barret during a get-together at Cloud's house. In an attempt to rid of him for good, everyone dressed up as Ghostbusters and hunted the Burger King Mascot and trapped him in a containment unit.

Barret's nightmare was thought to be over…but another familiar foe released the Burger King Mascot from his containment cell…and together, they plot revenge against the heroes. This would be known as the Final Bout.

* * *

A week after Cloud's apartment was destroyed during the fight to capture the ghost of the vengeful Burger King Mascot; Cloud's friends went around Midgar trying to find him a new home.

Eventually, they found a place that Cloud might like…

" **What…** _ **is**_ **this place?!"** Cloud exclaims as he and everyone else stood outside of some rundown project apartments.

" **See! I knew cloud would like it!"** Yuffie says to everyone with a cheesy smile.

" **No offense, but this place is a dump!"** Cait Sith responds.

" **The little cat's right! This place is trashier than an episode of Jerry Springer!"** Cid adds, smoking his cigarette.

Barret steps forward and turned toward the entire gang.

" **Now wait just a damn minute! This place is better than that gay-ass studio apartment Cloud had before we ruined it. Besides, this run-down joint reminds me of home!"** Barret exclaims.

" **You have no taste in living quarters, you know that?"** Vincent says.

" **Oh right, coming from a guy who spends his days lying in a coffin pretending to be Dracula in some abandoned mansion!"** Cait Sith responds.

" **ENOUGH!"** Yuffie yells out to everyone, shutting them up quickly **. "C'mon, people, Cloud should be thankful that we're finding him a new home after that Burger King creep ruined everything!"**

"… **I guess the girl has a point…"** Red XIII says.

" **Well…at least we won't have to shell out $200 a month staying at Motel 7…"** Tifa comments.

 **"Then it's settled, we move in immediately!"** Yuffie says, rushing inside first, with Barret following close behind.

Everyone else looked at each other and sighed before following suit.

Inside the old dilapidated project apartments, the gang slowly makes their way toward Clouds new pad. When the reached the door, it read '666'.

"… **That's rather comforting…"** Vincent says.

" **Nonsense! Let's just take a peek inside, shall we?"** Yuffie says, opening the door.

Once everyone was inside, Cid flicked the light on. Everyone stared wide-eyed as the interior of Cloud's new apartment rivaled that of a rich-man's mansion. The floor was made of marble, exotic plants hung around from the ceiling, and large Jacuzzi sat in the spa area of the apartment.

" **Unbelievable!"** Tifa says, in complete shock.

" **Goddamn this place is nice! I might just have to boot Cloud out and stay here myself!"** Cid says with a wide grin.

" **So Cloud, having second thoughts?"** Yuffie asks.

 **"Well…I guess it's pretty nice…"** Cloud says, having a change of heart.

" **Sweet! Ooh, and as a bonus, how about all of us stay here with you for the night?"** Yuffie suggests, hopping up and down expecting a 'yes'.

" **Well…I suppose…"** Cloud says.

" **Awesome! Last one in the Jacuzzi goes on a date with Palmer!"** Yuffie exclaims, zipping off toward the apartment's spa.

Cid looks around to see everyone gone already.

" **Ah shit…"** Cid mumbles under his breath.

And so Cloud and his friends decided to stay together in the unusually lavish apartment for a night. Little did everyone know, two familiar individuals were watching them the whole time…

…and they were ready to strike.

* * *

 **Later That Night - Barret's Point of View**

While everyone was sleeping soundly all around the apartment, Barret slept alone in a small empty bedroom. Barret was having nightmare flashbacks of the several encounters he had with the crazy Burger King Mascot, from the bout in his home, the attack at the Burger King fast food joint, and the showdown at the Burger King Corporation.

" **YAAH!"** Barret yells, waking up from a cold sweat. **"Damn Burger King bastard…good thing he's gone for good…"** Barret grunts as he tried to go back to sleep.

His restful respite was stopped abruptly when he sensed something in the room. He opened his eyes and sat up.

 **"Who's here?"** Barret calls out, now seeing a silhouette of someone approaching him…

…with a knife.

" **What the #$ &# is this?! Answer me or else!"** Barret warns whoever was approaching him.

The silhouette stopped and raised the knife above its head, seemingly ready to strike Barret.

Suddenly, the lights flicked on.

" **Yuffie?!"** Barret says angrily as he was face-to-face with Yuffie, who was wearing headphones while holding a cake in one hand and a knife in the other.

" **Wanna slice of cake?"** Yuffie asks Barret, taking off her headphones.

" **No! I'm tryin' to sleep! Now go away!"** Barret tells her, with Yuffie swiftly leaving the room, turning out the light along the way.

Barret lied back down, only to sense the presence of someone approaching him again.

" **I thought I says go away, Yuffie!"** Barret calls out, sitting up and turning on the light himself.

" **YOU?!"** Barret yells, as he was now face to face with the ghost of the Burger King Mascot, who was holding a Louisville Slugger. **"I THOUGHT WE ZAPPED YOUR SPIRIT ASS LAST WEEK!"** Barret wails, jumping out of bed and hitting the floor with a thud.

Barret, not having his gun attached to his arms nor anything in the small empty bedroom to fight back with, could only do one thing: make a break for the door.

 **Meanwhile - Cloud's Point of View**

Meanwhile in the apartment's master bedroom, Cloud ands Tifa were sleeping soundly with each other.

Suddenly, a strange…but eerily familiar chant jarred Cloud awake.

 _ **Estuans interius ira vehementi…**_

 _ **Estuans interius ira vehementi…**_

 **"What the…?"** Cloud says, reaching over to turn on the lamp next to his bed.

" **SEPHIROTH!"** says Sephiroth himself, standing in front of Cloud about to slice him with his Masamune.

 **"Oh no…"** Cloud says, jumping out of his bed like the speed of light, barely dodging Sephiroth's first attack, which sliced his bed in half. Tifa kept sleeping as if nothing was happening.

 _"I need my Buster Sword!"_ Cloud says to himself as he darted out of his room.

 **In The Hallway…**

 **CRASH!**

Both Barret and Cloud collide into each other as they both fled from their rooms simultaneously, knocking each other into the ground. Both men regain their composure and stand up.

" **WHAT'S GOING ON?!"** both men yell at each other in distress.

" **THAT DAMN GHOST OF THE BURGER KING BITCH IS BACK!"** Barret wails in disbelief.

" **SEPHIROTH JUST ATTACKED ME IN MY BEDROOM!"** Cloud exclaims.

Both men stop and stare at each other.

" **WHAT?!"** both Cloud and Barret shout simultaneously.

 **"It's true,"** says a voice from behind both of them. Both Cloud and Barret turn around to face Sephiroth and The Burger King Mascot standing before them.

" **Will someone explain to me what the # &!# is going on here?!"** Barret demands.

" **It's simple, really. After you guys played 'Ghostbusters' and captured the spirit of the Burger King Mascot last week, I simply released him as soon as you guys left the apartment,"** Sephiroth explains.

The ever-silent Burger King Mascot held up a sign in front of him that read: _**"Our shared hatred of you two and your friends couldn't make for a better team. We are an unstoppable force."**_

" **Son of a bitch! Will this turmoil ever end?!"** Barret says both frustrated and worried.

" **What now? We have no weapons,"** Cloud says to Barret.

" **You still have us!"** calls a voice from behind them.

All four guys turned around to see that Cid, Vincent, Tifa, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Cait Sith standing before them, all of them (with the exception of Tifa) wielding some sort of weapon they found lying around.

" **You won't be hurting anybody!"** Yuffie says, gripping a tennis racket.

" **I was woken up from all of the yelling. You will pay for this,"** Vincent says, holding a lead pipe.

" **Time to take out the mother-$#! trash,"** Cid says, twirling around a metal chain.

" **Yeah! Time to kick butt!"** Cait Sith says, holding a spork in his paw.

" **I'll tear you two to shreds,"** Red XIII says, showing them his sharp teeth.

" **I'll clobber you if you dare lay a finger on my Cloud!"** Tifa says, cracking her knuckles.

" **Well well, quite a party we have here. Let's crash it,"** Sephiroth says, the Burger King Mascot nodding in agreement.

Cloud and Barret dove out of the way as their friends and the bad guys began to fight each other.

" **Cloud, Barret! Go and retrieve your weapons, we'll hold these two off!"** Tifa orders.

" **Right!"** both men says as they fled from the apartment as fast as they could.

 **Outside The Apartment**

Both Barret and Cloud race down the dark, empty street to go retrieve their personal weapons.

" **This is absurd! Both of our archenemies teaming up like this? What's the world coming too?"** Cloud says.

" **I don't know…but this shit has got to stop!"** Barret responds.

Both men suddenly stop and look at each other.

" **I just thought of something…"** Cloud starts. **"My sword is in storage along with my other belongings, and your gun-arm…how is that going to defeat the Burger King ghost?"** Cloud asks.

" **Oh snaps, you're right!"** Barret says. **"Shit, what now?!"**

" **Maybe I can help…"** says a female voice from behind them.

Both men turn around and witness Aeris, a spirit as well, appear before them.

" **Hi guys!"** Aeris says to the two, smiling.

" **Aeris! Long time no see! How's the Lifestream treating ya?"** Barret asks.

 **"It's an okay place…still kinda miss living in the real world,"** she says. **"I've come to give you two a gift,"** she continues.

Both men smile with new confidence as Aeris presents Cloud with his Buster Sword, and a special gun-attachment for Barret that can harm vengeful spirits.

" **You're the best, Aeris,"** Cloud says to her.

" **Good luck you two. Kick some butt for me!"** Aeris says, before fading away from existence.

Both men nod to each other and head back to the apartment.

 **Back Inside The Apartment**

By the time Cloud and Barret returned to the apartment, all of their buddies were defeated by the diabolical duo.

" **Oh, so you're back. You're friends proved to be no challenge at all,"** Sephiroth says as Cloud and Barret rush back inside.

The Burger King Mascot gave them a thumbs down in addition to Sephiroth's comment.

 **"Prepare to die, burger bastard!"** Barret says as he began firing his spirit gun at the mascot.

 **"You're finished!"** Cloud says as he performed a Limit Break on Sephiroth.

" **What?! How did you get those weapons?!"** Sephiroth exclaims, while the Burger King Mascot held up a sign that says _**'Uh oh…'.**_

The rest was history.

 **The Next Morning**

The next morning, everyone woke up around noon feeling groggy and beat-up from last night's events. Everyone met in the kitchen to discuss last night's events.

" **You two seem to be okay…did you two manage to defeat Sephiroth and that Burger King Mascot?"** Tifa asks, rubbing her sore fists.

" **Yeah, we had help from an old friend in the battle to defeat those two bitches,"** Barret says with a proud grin.

" **Indeed. Without her help, we would have been toast,"** Cloud adds.

" **So are those two really gone for good, or did they get away?"** Red XIII asks.

" **They got away, but I think it'll be a while before they return,"** Cloud says.

" **Ya know, with all of us fighting together, I guess I have no need to be afraid of that damn ghost or any other crazy-ass person he teams up with,"** Barret says.

" **Damn straight! We can beat anyone if we just stick together!"** Cid commented.

Cloud and Barret stood and faced their friends.

" **Whatever may come our way, we'll tackle things together, always!"** Cloud says.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

The nightmare was finally over for Barret, and for everyone else.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading! Please review and check out all of our other stories!**


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